Is It Okay to Be a Sore Loser? Maybe It Is...

I am an ultra-competitive person.  My wife knows that.  My siblings know that.  Even my boss knows that.


I am "that guy" who turns a game of Uno into a figurative crime scene because it is just not in my nature to lose.  I cannot tell you how many tee ball and midget football games I have stormed away from because my team did not end up in the win column.  Not finishing first in those timed math tables that you were given in first grade was the worst - I'd be furious if I didn't come in first place.  On those days, even at such an early age, my mom would get so upset at me because I was being a bad example to the other children about behaving badly in defeat.  Her sentiments would always be, "son, don't be a sore loser."


But lets be honest... is there any other way to lose but sorely?!  Its especially worse if you know that you had just a little more in the gas tank to give for the effort.


Yes, my highly-developed competitive edge has gotten me into trouble.  I've been labeled by some as a hothead (which I am definitely not), and I have been too competitive at times when I should not be at all.  But I know that being competitive has helped me succeed in the areas that I have because of my refusal to be second place.  And now that I am exactly 350 days from 30 years old (but who is counting?), I realize that my only competition in life is myself, and that is who I should hold the measuring stick up to.


Let me explain...


Have you ever heard of or seen a parent telling their children, "You can be anything you want to be!"  Sure you have - your parent(s) probably told that to you.  But I must say that this ideology is flawed at best.  To be honest, I cannot be everything I want to be.  I believe that each person is given gifts to help that be good at something but it may not be what we want.  I would love to play in the National Football League... but I know that that being only 5'10" and xxx lbs (yes, those "xxx"s are there on purpose!) I couldn't.  But there are people who are born with talents to allow them to be great football players, pianists, singers, writers, etc.  I think it is obvious what LeBron James was born to do, William Shakespeare, or Albert Einstein.


You might be thinking, "man, this guy is a real Debbie Downer, but hear me out.  It is perfectly fine to have heroes such as the people listed above, but the only person you have to compete against is your best self.  One part of competition that I always felt was rewarding was knowing that if I was prepared and gave it everything I had there was no reason to hang my head.  There were times in which I lost a wrestling match because someone was better than me.  After leaving the mat, I was somewhat disappointed (and usually in pain); but if I knew that I had given my all in practice and fought my hardest during the mat, I was a winner in my book.


So how do you compete with youself?  Here are some things to keep in mind...

• Be the person you say you are.  If you say that you are the top salesperson, act like it.  Do you say you are the hardest worker on the team?  Then prove it.
• Set SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-bound.
• Seek feedback from people you trust.  Someone else's opinion on who you are and what they think you can do can help build the foundation for setting your SMART goals.
• Work at it constantly.  Do not try to take a day off from competing with yourself.  Utilize your time and resources wisely.
• Honestly evaluate yourself.  If you're not cutting the mustard, you may want to re-examine your priorities.
• Make sure you do not have any regrets.  There nothing worse than living in the past, knowing that you could have done better on that test, or committed yourself to that job more, or treated someone better than what you did.

Spend some time thinking about how you can compete with your best self.  I think you will find that if you use your absolute best as the measuring stick, you will see just how far you can raise the bar for yourself.  And as long as you are performing at your very best, success will follow you and you will be surprise just how much you accomplished.

Remember your New Year's Resolutions...?

I am sorry to have to remind you, but have you given any consideration to your 2011 New Year’s resolutions lately?  Are you making the most out of your money?  Have you lost any weight?  Are you any closer to buying a home?  Have you laid the groundwork to starting your own business?

Like most people, we make these huge plans to make great changes in our lives beginning on January 1, only to find ourselves making the same plans again on the following December 31.  And I’m not just pointing my finger at you – it is pointed right back myself.  You see, my goal for 2011 was to lose xxx pounds (yes, that was done intentionally!).  I started off in January by signing up for the gym where I work and made sure I spent about five hours a week sweating and lifting and running.  After a while I began to feel a little stronger and felt a little thinner… so much my wife even commented on it!  I was truly feeling as if I would have my health breakthrough this year.

And, alas, here we are a few hours from the beginning of May, and I have fallen off the wagon.  I went from going to the gym three times a week to making excuses to why I cannot go.  I might have gained a pound or two since the turn of the New Year, and I am feeling pretty bad about it.  But through the consultation of a few good friends and mentors, along with reading articles about motivation and goal setting, I have created a list of “must dos” that will help us get back on track with those all-important New Year’s resolutions.

Hakuna Matata

Now, I know Timon and Pumbaa said that it literally means “no worries”, but they also described it as putting your past behind you.  So you haven’t made much progress thus far to reach your goals this year?  Hakuna matata!  Don’t look at it as four months have already passed without doing anything, rather than as having eight months ahead of us to make incredible growth towards realizing your goal.  Therefore, recommit yourself at this moment to give everything you have from this point forward to seeing your ambitions become your accomplishments.

Share with others your goals

I have to give credit for this one to my Zeta Phi Beta soror Dr. Jylla Moore Tearte, as she put me on to this one.  At a Zeta event in where she made a presentation, she talked about telling the world what your goals and aspirations are.  Sharing this information with loved ones, co-workers and, yes, strangers has dual effectiveness.  First, it will give you a group of people to help keep you accountable.  To use myself as an example, if I told the my co-workers that I was trying to lose, lets say, 50 pounds, they might give me a funny stare or even question me if they found me eating Chick-Fil-A at my desk during lunch!  Secondly, by speaking our goals to others, you will be surprised to what resources someone may be able to offer you.  If you tell someone you are looking for a new career opportunity – they may know of someone who is hiring for the perfect job.  Looking to buy a house?  A mortgage broker may hear you.  If you are trying to grow your fledgling business, someone you know may have a connection who is looking for exactly what you are offering.

Tell others your resolution(s)… you may be surprised to see who and what is attracted to you.

Drop the dead weight

I have found that this tends to be the most difficult part of getting back on track to see your resolutions come into fruition.  For this exercise lets define dead weight as anything that we keep around ourselves that prevent us to attaining our goals.  We all tend to keep dead weight around us at all time, and it can range from watching television, to not studying (if graduating is your resolution), or even people who keep you from your desired end result.  We have to make some tough decisions to “trim the fat” and lose the dead weight.  Metaphorically, dropping such weight will help us move faster toward our goal.  And here is the key to this one… once you drop the dead weight you must work very hard to keep it off!

Take measurements as you go

One thing I learned from my time in Corporate America is that “what gets measured, gets done!”  As the Six Sigma Champion for my location, it was my job to constantly take measurements.  And the great thing about taking measurements is that it gives you real-time progress reports on how well you are doing.  For instance, if you are trying to lose weight, step on the scale every other week to measure how well you are doing.  If you are trying to grow your savings account, check it monthly to see your money grow.  Taking measurements can be done using any metric.  One of my favorites is time.  By making a timeline of when you want to accomplish certain goals will assist you in staying on schedule.  Telling yourself that “I need to have my website done by June 1” is proven to be more effective than saying “I will have my website done as soon as possible”.

Aim for the moon

Do you remember when you a kid in middle school and your teachers had those posters with inspirational sayings on their walls?  I remember one in particular, in Mrs. Merriam’s English class that said “Shoot for the moon – and if you don’t get there you’ll fall amongst the stars”.  I am the first to admit that it is very… well… corny in a way.  But please keep this in mind when December 31 comes around.  You may not have hit your target weight loss goal.  You may not have saved as much money as you would like.  You may not have the house that you want to live in.  But I can assure you, that if you can apply a few of these techniques to your daily life, you will at least end up in the stars.  And in the stars is not a bad place to be.